Dear Moms: We are not in competition with each other…

I saw a post earlier about a list/flowchart about the difference between a SAHM and a mama who works outside the home.

My initial thought was “what a load of shite!” Then my other thoughts are – yes, this really is BS.

One of the things I found laughable (I mean, actually laughed out loud at with a bitterness) was that SAHMs have a home-cooked meal ready for dinner each night and working mamas eat take out/fast food.

First, I’m currently a SAHM — but this doesn’t mean I’m also not a WAHM. I have a full time job and work remotely. I also teach 1-2 college classes every 8 weeks AND I am an education consultant and work with teachers and school leaders on their classroom practice. Oh, yeah, I also run my own (tiny but mighty) online fitness business.

So, when I’m at home, I’m not lounging around in yoga pants (except when I’m working out) and pintersting organic quinoa grass-fed beef dishes to “whip up” in a couple hours for dinner, ready and waiting and plated beautifully for my husband when he gets home from a “long day at the office” (aka, his ship) along with his slippers and a glass of wine.

When I’m at home, I’m working my ass off. All damn day.

And if anyone is getting slippers and wine at night, it’s this mama right here!

And, also, when the kiddo is home with me and not at school, I’m working my ass off AND playing with her, exploring with her, crafting with her, teaching her…an when I have to get some work done, finding things for her to do that keep her imagination sparked while I grade, or take a conference call, or plan for a workshop…and it’s a balance I tell ya because I want to have her have things to do so she doesn’t see me working as ignoring her.

That’s hard. I don’t think I do a perfect job at it, but I’m a work in progress.

I love being home with her more than I have ever been. That has been a goal for me and continues to be a goal for me…

BUT, when I worked outside the home full time too – as a high school teacher and then a high school principal, the same rules applied — I worked my ass off.

And I think we eat as much junk food, or not-as-healthy-food now when I’m working from home as we did when I worked outside the house.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this other than to say, can we stop with the crazy-ass comparisons of motherhood – P L E A S E ? ! ? !

I had days when I was working outside the home where I felt like I was CRUSHING life – work, motherhood, marriage, friendships. Then I had days when I was like – OMG, I suck at all of this.

And I have days now, working FROM home, where I feel the exact same way.

Motherhood, whether you work from home, away from home, or something in between…whether you have one kid or five kids…whether you are a single parent, dual-parent, or sometimes solo-parent…motherhood is HARD AF. Yes, some of these things make it harder, others, sometimes, probably don’t.

But there’s not a need to compare. Really. Truly. I believe this.

So, let’s stop.

How about we just all say “hey, moms, I see you being a badass and making mommy-hood work” and “way to go moms, you are rocking it!” and “hey, share that crockpot recipe you just did cuz I’m hungry and out of ideas!” and just go about our days lifting one another up and not, any more, breaking each other down.IMG_1162

Wanna try that?

I do!

Oh, and here’s my mom-win for the day, after one hectic morning and three wardrobe
changes due to spills (for me, not even her!)…kiddo surrounding herself with toys and coloring tools and contentedly playing while I work, coming over occasionally for a hug, a kiss, and to tell me that 7 + 4 equals 11 or some other sum she’s mulling over in her tiny little brain…

Shh….quiet…it might just be working out today…




PS: don’t even get me started on the post that asked mothers to “put on some makeup before school drop off”. Girl, as long as I get my kid there, on time even, with food for lunch, and underwear on, I am not going to take shit from you about if my mascara is a day-old. That. Is. BS.

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