I absolutely did NOT want to work out today.
I wanted to hit snooze. I actually didn’t feel like doing much of anything today. I love my job, but it was also one of those days where I did not want to go to work. I was feeling overwhelmed with it all – “all the things” that I had to get done, that were not going to get done even though they are perpetually on my to-do list, the struggle with the kiddo in the morning, the general “ugh” of it all.
I was feeling woefully inadequate in all areas of my life: my family, my physical health, my mental health, my career, my not-happening-novel-writing, my looming deadlines for blog posts and essays, my consulting work…Yeah, today I was just like “nope, not today…”
Yep, even happy, chipper, positive me has mornings likes this.
Today was one of them.
Day 17 of Whole30. Day whatever of the school year. Yeah, I was just tired.
But I got up.
Begrudgingly, but I did.
And I will admit, I felt better afterwards. Not 100% better. Not immediately. But better. And my day took a little turn when my attitude about my day did. All those feelings, those didn’t just disappear, but I was more reflective about where they were coming from, more able to acknowledge the space I was in.
“It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.”
Working out does help me feel grounded and centered and gives me energy…and even though I know this, there are mornings like today, especially because honestly I’m just newly back into this routine I love so much (and if I’m being really honest, my routine sucks and is a struggle with this new job and all that, but I’m trying…).
And, more honesty: I’m not anything close to what anyone would call a “prima ballerina” but I felt strong this morning, and even a little graceful in fact. So, there’s that too.
As I felt better, as was able to reflect on my response to my morning, I realized I was, yet again, putting all the pressures of everyone else on myself. I was leveling unknown expectations about who and what I was supposed to do or accomplish against all the work – the really damn good work, I might add – that I am doing on a daily basis.
And in those moments of reflection and realization, I was reminded of these words that poet Marianne Williamson wrote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be?”
Her words are a great reminder, I think, don’t you?